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Self-Inflicted Delusions

FICTION

Self-Inflicted Delusions

Jacob Blieu

I have done and seen some things
That makes me wish I could believe
In a god,
In a Jesus,
Or those little pieces of cheeses
That the mice run to -
Before the trap snaps them in two

It’s true that I’m a fraud
A person lying to himself
About what truly makes him happy
Or even begins to help

My health is in decline
Because my spirit has started to dim
I know I’m moving forward
But I feel I stay right where it is
And by it,
I mean the past
And all my old mistakes
The lies that I’ve told
And the lives not theirs to take

But they ripped away regardless
And I only cried for one day
Sometimes I fear that I’m heartless
And cannot be changed,
But other days I know
I’m just sad and alone
And by not crying
I can pretend they’re still at home

Which is why,
I don’t go to funerals
— Jacob Blieu